A Festivus for the Rest of Us

For those who need a refresher on what exactly Festivus is, click the title link.

So, this morning I met Fredivus for Breakfastivus to belatedly celebrate Festivus. Unfortunately, although many were invited, no one but Fred and I actually showed up. So, in the spirit of Festivus, I would like to take this opportunity to air my grievances. I have a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna hear about them. . .

1) To all you who were invited to come out this morning, but didn't actually show up: What the Hell? Was 8:00 am too early for you? Fred and I take the initiative to be social coordinators for a morning, and no one comes out? Bah! I'll have you all know you missed a delightful morning of pancakes, juice and excellent conversation. Fred and I would have taken pictures but unfortunately the batteries died in my camera. I guess that means you'll just be left wondering about the miracle that was Festivus Breakfastivus.

2) Specifically to Josephivus: Loser, you get your own grievance. :) How does Mr. Industriousivus, who gets up early every morning for school not get up for Festivus Breakfastivus? Worse yet, you called in the middle of said Breakfastivus, to inquire if we were still there, only to decide to go back to bedivus. Lamicus Maximus!

Furthermore, your claimed enthusiasm for running with me is another reason for disappointment. Why won't you runivus??!?! Every time I callivus you are always busy. Quit doing stuff!!!

Ok, so these are my main grievances for the time being. I've got more, but I'll stop prattling on about that. However, I would like to slightly alter the normal agenda of festivities, and acknowledge the Festivus Miracles I experienced this morning at Breakfastivus. Hence, I give you the "Bestowing of the Accolades."

1) To Fredivus: Not only did you show up for Breakfastivus promptly at 8, but you gave me the greatest Festivus gift I could have asked for: a burned copy of Foreigner's greatest hits. Now I can listen to all the classics! Cold as Ice, Double Vision, Hot Blooded, Dirty White Boy. . . Carlivus would be so proud. . .

2) To Carolynivus, my wonderful friend and the glue that holds Dennys together! Not only did Carolyn provide an excellent feast, but also gave us service that represented the true spirit of festivus. I think she convinced Fredivus that the only way to have a Festivus for the rest of us is with a Breakfastivus Edivus. Aren't I just hilarious? :)

These were truly the miracles of Festivus. Now all we need is a metal pole.

- Edivus